Mischievious Mitchell

Obviously the Mitchell Report (the baseball one) came out yesterday. My sister kept trying to change the channel so she could watch America's Most Love New York Of Love on VH1, but I finally gained control in time to see the former Senate Majority Leader do his opening monologue. I spent twenty years rooting for some of these players; I didn't want to wait another twenty minutes to see their reputations soiled forever.

Here's a few observations on the matter:

1. Lenny Dykstra is the only good Phillie ever to use steroids. I was not alive during the Phillies' glory days of the Carter Administration (aka The Amphetamine Era), but I am old enough to have heard of the real turds the Phillies had before or after or if they took the juice: Paul Byrd, Jeremy Giambi, Ryan Franklin, Bobby Estalella, Jason Grimsely, etc.

2. My dad feels sorry for Todd Pratt. Pratty's another of the ex-Phillies on the Mitchell list, and I was kinda sad about it. I remember him as a youngin' on the god-awful '92 squad, as the serviciable non-Piazza catcher on the late 90's Mets (wink, wink), and as a father figure on the Bowa era Phils. Perhaps the most memorable quote of the day came from my dad, about the Prattster: "He needed them."

3. ESPN so owned the truth yesterday. While I was watching off and on, I heard no comment by John Kruk (who like Babe Ruth did it on hot dogs and beer) about his former teammate, Nails. Also, while connections were disclosed between Mitchell and the Boston Red Sox, nobody talked about Mitchell's tenure as Chairman of Disney, who owns ESPN. I think I remember at least one blog (probably Deadspin) writing about it months ago, but I haven't heard of anything from that front lately.

4. New idea for a Roger Clemens cell phone ad:

GEORGE J. MITCHELL: Okay, if you have ever taken any anabolic steroids, give me no sign.

Cue Roger yelling at the phone without any noise coming out of his massive, rippling mouth.

MITCHELL: Well, I warned you.

The Mitchell Report: Works in more places like Bostoronewyoustonyork.